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Monday, December 8, 2014

I am done with the Illusion of Perfection

To the outside world, my life is pretty perfect. I have a beautiful 3 year old boy who is as smart as a tack. I am in a very demanding program at school and by all objective measures I am excelling. I am married to a really great man with a successful career. If you come to my house you will find it neat, tidy, clean and organized. Food and drinks are never simple, rather they are part of the show I put on for the world. It is assumed I eat well, live a healthy lifestyle and am thus thin. I have everything under perfect control...

...except that it's all a lie. I don't have it all under perfect control. I don't have anything under any control. If you dropped in unexpectedly you would find that my house is the furthest thing from clean. It's cluttered and nothing resembling organized at all. There are dirty dishes on the counter right now, the living room is scattered with toys, I have not put the laundry away in a few weeks. I can't remember the last time I cleaned the bathroom. While my grades may be high, that is far from a good measure of success. I write exams so frequently I have developed an anxiety disorder and have to defer exams regularly to prevent myself from losing a pathological amount of weight or falling into a deep state of sympathetic overload that I can't pull myself out of. Thin, yes, but because of a gene and excessive stress, not in a way anyone should hope to be.

We pretend though, that seems to be the acceptable thing to do. But why? Why pretend to be perfect? Doesn't that just perpetuate this myth that we are all to have perfect families and perfect careers and anything less means we are failing? Were did this even come form. It feels so wrong. If pretending to be perfect makes others feel they have to live up to the unrealistic example you have set, it's damaging to society. So for societies sake, I am abandoning the illusion of perfection. As of right now. I am also no longer treating it as a goal as I have more attainable goals to work towards.

It feels like there is a pressure on our generation as a whole to have it all figured out by now. This may in part come from the constant stream of criticism our generation is receiving in the media. But it's crap. We are not all "lazy" and unemployed and living in our parents basements. And given the socioeconomic climate, I really wouldn't judge those who are living with their parents. It makes smart economic sense given the overvalued real estate market. But I digress, I am changing up this blog a bit. I have not been posting as I have nothing perfect to post. Perfection takes time that I don't have. But I have plenty of real things to post so that is what I will do. But for now I have to go study for my stupid exams. :(