I hit a few snags on the birth team front just two weeks ago. It’s bad timing, I found out the problem 8 weeks before my guess date so there is really not much that can be done to fix it. When I first went in to see the doctor that would be following my pregnancy she was on vacation and a nurse filled me in with the details. She told me that either my doctor or her partner would deliver my baby. I met her partner and I liked them both so that was fine with me. This was not actually true however; my doctor and her partner belong to a team of 8, any one of which could be on call for delivery. I was a little bit mortified.
So I have gone from hoping to have a home birth with a midwife to having a hospital birth with likely a random stranger for a still low risk pregnancy. This is not good for my stress. Stress is not good during pregnancy.
I am not afraid of anything to do with child birth really. I am not afraid of the pain or the process or taking care of the baby after or any of it. I’m terrified of the hospital and the medical system and I don’t want them near my baby. I suppose it stems from all the issues I’ve had in the past, bad doctors who nearly killed me out of arrogance and stupid mistakes. I’ve also been lied to in order to get me to go along with a rather useless, painful and inconvenient treatment. I’ve had tests preformed on me in error because they thought I was another patient. Needless to say, I have trouble trusting MD’s.
This situation is now far from ideal and I got up the nerve to actually tell my current doctor that it is really stressing me out. I don’t think switching now would be possible. It was a battle to get the doctor I have (she was midwife recommended) and I don’t think I would be able to switch to a smaller team and get comfortable with them in time (now just 6 weeks left). My doctor was very nice about it but there is nothing she can do, this is how the system works. She gave me the names of the rest of her team mates so I can look them up and hopefully I’ll be less stressed after that. She thinks highly of all of them and they are all female at least. I guess I’ll look them up and see how good they are.
I did recently meet my doula. Doula’s are free (or by donation) in Halifax and they match you to one they think suits your personality. My doula is very nice and she helped dispel a lot of my stress. With all the nurses and residents at the hospital giving me different information it is nice to have someone who has been to a few births there and can give a less biased opinion. I still don’t know exactly what a doula does but I already feel like she’s helping so that’s great.
Another decision I recently made regarding my birth team is I want it as small as possible. My birth is not a spectator event. I heard from others that if you allow residents in you might have an audience of 8 people watching you. Not cool. Seeing as I feel like I have so little control in the hospital, I am going to exercise the control I do have and say no unnecessary people in the room. It’s already going to be an uphill battle trying to stay stress free in this ridicules environment, I’m certainly not letting them add to it.
The whole experience with the hospital has made me feel like a child, like my opinion doesn't count for anything. Well, it's my body and my baby and so in the end it's only my opinion and my husbands opinion that actually count. Doctors can make suggestions but that's where it ends. I just have to remember that when the time comes.
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